Overcoming the Fear of Judgment in Memoir Writing
As intense as the desire to share our stories through memoir is the fear of judgment for doing so. When writing my memoir, Accidental First Lady, I envisioned backlash from the media for writing about my life as the spouse of our city’s mayor. I practically crafted the headlines that woke me from sleep and worried me throughout the days leading up to publication.
Thankfully, the belief in my mission to tell my stories of political spouse life outweighed the worry. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t fear judgment from local pundits who’d been critical of my husband in the past. I feared they’d see my book as an opportunity to criticize his administration. The muscle memory of watching my words, scrutinizing each one that passed my lips or fingertips, is still strong today, even though my husband is no longer an elected official.
I guess those feelings never truly go away. What enters is our ability as writers to navigate feelings of self-doubt that are a product of the fear of being judged by those who read our words. It’s vital for aspiring memoirists to learn cultivate a toolbox of strategies to conquer inevitable fears that accompany such personal writing. Armed with techniques for working through fears of sharing too much, angering friends or family members, or ostracizing yourself, you can succeed in writing your memoir.
We know that memoir writing is a deeply personal journey, requiring writers to courageously delve into their pasts and share intimate details of their lives with the world. However, the fear of judgment from exposing our vulnerabilities and innermost thoughts to scrutiny can be paralyzing. This causes many writers to hesitate or even abandon their memoir projects altogether.
It’s important to recognize the roots of the fear of judgment in memoir writing and seek practical strategies for overcoming it. By embracing vulnerability and finding the courage to share your stories authentically, you can unlock the transformative power of their narratives and connect with readers on a deeper level.
Understanding the fear of judgment
The fear of judgment is a natural human instinct rooted in our innate desire for acceptance and approval. When it comes to memoir writing, this fear can manifest in various ways, from concerns about how family members or loved ones will react to worries about how readers will perceive and interpret their stories. Memoirists may fear being misunderstood, criticized, or even ostracized for revealing sensitive or controversial aspects of their lives. This fear can lead to self-censorship, inhibiting writers from fully expressing themselves and sharing their truths authentically.
Strategies for overcoming the fear of judgment
Focus on Your Purpose:
Remind yourself of the reasons why you chose to write your memoir in the first place. What impact do you hope to have with your story? By focusing on your purpose and the potential positive outcomes of sharing your experiences, you can shift your focus away from fear and towards empowerment.
Seek Support:
Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family members, or fellow writers who can provide encouragement, validation, and constructive feedback. Sharing your fears and insecurities with trusted individuals can help alleviate feelings of isolation and remind you that you are not alone in your struggles.
Learn from Others:
Take inspiration from the journeys of successful memoirists who have faced similar fears and doubts on their writing paths. Study their stories, listen to their interviews, and seek out their advice on how they overcame the fear of judgment. Knowing that others have navigated similar challenges and emerged stronger and more resilient can instill confidence in your own abilities as a writer.
Practice Self-Compassion:
Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate the ups and downs of the memoir-writing process. Acknowledge that it's natural to feel vulnerable when sharing personal stories and that discomfort is an inevitable part of growth and healing. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges.
Embrace Vulnerability:
Cultivate a mindset of courage and vulnerability, recognizing that sharing your story authentically requires courage and strength. Embrace the discomfort of vulnerability as a necessary step towards connecting with readers on a deeper level and fostering empathy and understanding.
You can overcome this fear
The fear of judgment can be a daunting obstacle for memoir writers, but it doesn't have to define or derail your writing journey. By understanding the roots of this fear, seeking support from trusted individuals, learning from the experiences of others, practicing self-compassion, and embracing vulnerability, you can overcome the fear of judgment and share your story authentically with the world. Remember that your story has value and deserves to be told, and by finding the courage to share your truths, you can inspire and empower others to do the same.
Also remember to lean on others who’ve gone before you. Access writers you know. Learn their secrets and strategies and how they went from merely thinking about writing a book to holding their published copy in their hands. Download my checklist of what I wish I knew and what every author should know by clicking HERE.